A friend from way back contacted me on Facebook a few days ago. Says he’s having a crisis. Kids are grown. Money in the bank. Has a beautiful wife. Loves Jesus and America too. But he has this gnawing void that he can’t seem to fill. Should be happy but just ain’t feeling it.
I read somewhere that we don’t really experience what it is to be happy. Happiness is a concept that you have in mind when focusing on a goal. Why do something if desiring happiness isn’t the cause and end result?
I guess if you’re popping tranquilizers, you can convince yourself that you’re happy. There is a mental condition that causes the afflicted to be happy all the time. Devo wrote a song about it.
We can, however, feel fleeting feelings of joy. Like when you hit a jackpot or the face of someone you love turns up in a crowd. That sort of joyfulness lifts you up and can put a smile on your face.
But joyfulness ain’t some cosmic prize you’re awarded by mindlessly sailing through life.
Joyfulness is an inside job.
A do-it-yourself project for your soul. You’ve got to work at it.
Like expecting a vegan to walk into a butcher shop, hoping for external validation to spark joy would be a waste of time. Amazon Prime doesn’t deliver cheer, no matter how many self-help books you put in your cart.
I had to learn these things the hard way, despite my best efforts to figure things out beforehand.
In my semi-misspent youth, I chased thrills. Fast cars, faster women, and drank enough beer to float a battleship.
Thought that those things would make for a happy life. Turns out those thrills were as fleeting as a cheetah on the Serengeti, and the hangovers were a three-day tragedy.
Joy isn’t sitting there waiting for you to discover it. It’s in your head. A fixer-upper you must renovate yourself.
Life tends to bring you down a notch or two if you’re too serious. The universe is always looking for an opening to laugh behind your back.
You gotta lighten up and, contrary to what you’ve been conditioned to believe, being light is not a flaw.
Consider, if you will, the bird, fast, agile, flying above traffic jams. Now, compare that to a rock, dense and stuck until someone has to use dynamite to make it budge.
Cheerful people are birds, not weighed down by pride or doing anything to resist appearing vulnerable.
Researchers investigating miracles claim saints may have levitated because they were lighthearted, free from the weight of life’s baggage and existential angst.
That is so because seriousness is an energy draining trap.
Writing a boring speech or basking in self-importance is simple, but it is about as useful as a root canal without anesthesia. Crafting a good joke, now that takes effort.
Joyfulness is choosing to see the absurdity of life’s certain fumbles, like if your GPS sent you to a lake instead of a client meeting.
Science confirms this. Studies show that comedy and gratitude rewire your brain for joy.
But joy ain’t easy. It can’t be found doomscrolling X or falling for the Instagram trap. Celebrities with perfect abs and private jets. They’re as miserable as anyone, just with better lighting.
When things look shitty, crack a beer, spin some Zeppelin, and plot your grind. Joy is in the rush, not the slump.
Focus on the ground under your feet. Stay in the present. Find a hobby, a side gig, or just take a walk in the park. Watch joy grow like a happy fungus.
But watch out. Joy is contagious, but so is misery.
Spend your time with people who radiate fun, not those who treat every annoyance as the fall of Rome.
Being heavy is for amateurs. The pros know the magic lies in searching for the joke, embracing the ridiculous, maybe even snorting when you laugh.
Therefore, you grumpy bastard, quit outsourcing your happiness to whatever nonsense the powers that be put in front of you to twist your outrage. When you’re mad, they got you where they want you.
Before you’re stuck streaming a loop of your own misery on the Netflix of remorse, you’d be wise to start hammering away.
You’re the builder.
Craft it with gratitude, and a stubborn refusal to let life’s turmoil define you.
I told that old friend of mine to fill the hole by creating something. It’s the only thing we have in common with the higher power. You’ve gotta create your joy. It’s either that or just farting around until the lights go out.
Hey! You’ve read all the way through. Thanks for that!
Since you’re here, check out my book.
Slick with noir style and psychological depth, The Lying Spiral plunges readers into a labyrinth of corruption, buried secrets, and personal demons as ex-cop Elias Gentry races to unravel a high-stakes disappearance that just might destroy what’s left of him.
The Lying Spiral: Some Truths Are Better Left Undiscovered
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